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My husband says he is just not happy anymore. What can I do?
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I was in the same place as you. My husband and I have been married for over 15 years, we recently had a baby. This is when all the problems started. He started to distance himself from me, and when I would ask what the problem was his answer was always “nothing”. This went on for over 3 months, one night during another one of our may fights he told me that he was not happy, that he needed some space. He doesn’t feel the way a husband should feel about his wife. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no, I totally believed him. After talking with my friends they all said the same thing “are you sure there isn't someone else?” I told them no, because I trusted this man. I decided to stay with my parents for awhile, I was there for about three weeks, I dropped by the house unexpectedly, what I found was devastating, my husband was in the process of entertaining a young lady. To make matters worse he got very mad telling me she was just a friend and demanded a divorce. I just could not believe what was happening. I felt that I did all I could to make our marriage work, and now he looks at me as if I am a stranger, saying I gave him reasons to cheat and we should just try being ‘good friends’ . It took a long time for me to see that his affair had nothing to do with me, my husband saying all he did was just his way of trying to justify what he had done. By avoiding the marriage, by avoiding the work it takes to put it back together, he feel he can just walk away and all will be fine.
I feel that a spouse that cheats, their thinking gets twisted, so turned around they can never go back to straightforward thinking. It is as if that part of them have been destroyed.
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One of my biggest problems with my husband is he is never affectionate with me unless he wanted to be intimate; he never held my hand or kissed me. He believed that newlyweds should make love at least four times a week but he forgot that there should be some affection with this. So, I would force myself to be intimate with him just to shut him up. I resented him for pressuring me. When I talked to him about being affectionate outside the bedroom, he would say that it wasn't in his nature. This bothered my a lot, I resented him even more. I then decided that I had to come clean with him and let him know the damage he was doing to our marriage, surprisingly enough he was just as unhappy with the way things have been with us. We discussed things and decided to see a counsellor. We have been going for over six months and things having been getting better. Make sure that you are being open with him, let him know that you maybe feeling the same way he is and suggest that you go to couples counselling.
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My marriage ended when my husband told me one night that he just was not happy in our relationship anymore. We had been having problems for the past year, but in no way did I think it would result in this. I couldn't make him happy. Everything I did only made matters worse,I could do nothing right. there was no communication. I fell into a deep depression, my marriage of 20 years was falling apart. I felt so alone and thoughts of suicide crossed my mind. With the help of God and lots of sessions of therapy I then realized that I had everything to live for. We have now been divorced for over 3 years and I am the most fulfilled without this man in my life. Don't give up, keep trying to work on your marriage but also remember that if it can't be fixed it's not the end of the world.
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Not sure what you can do to fix this, I had the same problem. My ex walked out on our 5 year marriage, a 3 year old and a 6 month old saying he wasn't happy. I didn't see this coming. I asked him if he was having an affair and he denied it. We tried to make a go of it but it just did not work out. He did not know his real father and his mother remarried when he was a teenager. I always thought that someone who didn't grow up with their father would want his own children to have one. He recently got remarried good luck to wife #2.
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